Tier 17 restrictions

dinnerout wrote on Sun Jan 3, 2021 4:42pm:

Sky News has obtained a draft copy of the Press Briefing that Boris will give in 2023 when the UK goes into Tier 17

"First of all I want to say to all Great Britons that your government is doing everything in its powers to overcome this terrible virus. It's an unprecedented situation, and has been unprecedented since we decided to do very little about it in March 2020....

Read more...

...

Our world beating test and trace system turned out to be less world beating than expected. So, with deep regret I have to announce new Tier 17 restrictions that will come into force from Wednesday next week. The delay is to enable you to party like mad until they come into force.

1 East Enders will be rationed to 30 minutes per week for every household as it's clearly causing the country to be more depressed than is really necessary. 

2 Clocks will go back by 48 hours at the end of every month because we dont want this to seem like it's lasting longer than it is. Actually I may have got that mixed up, I'll check it with Claudia Winkleman my Special Advisor.

3 Food parcels will continue to be delivered to your door weekly and we have reached a new deal with the EU that a few foreign fruits and vegetables might be available soon.

4 I know you've all been staying at home these last two years but I want to reassure you that there's nothing open even if you escape past the Security Guards posted outside your house.

So that covers it I think, there's lots more, but the new Home Secretary Dominic Cummings will provide full details shortly. I'd just like to finish by congratulating Aston Villa on winning the Premiership last year.

Tally ho, Boris"

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Satire at its worst, apologies for the gallows humour.... 

Steve

Teaeff wrote on Mon Jan 4, 2021 9:51am:

Hi, I didn’t find this funny because I’ve got no sense of humour left, it’s been blunted by all the screaming millionaire standup comedians in the U.K who for some reason think I should be wetting myself at their drivel. However, I’ve re-read your post and I think I’m being uncharitable...

Read more...

... it did make me smirk. Happy new year, you can call me scrooge if you wish, bah! humbug.

dinnerout wrote on Sun Jan 3, 2021 4:42pm:

Sky News has obtained a draft copy of the Press Briefing that Boris will give in 2023 when the UK goes into Tier 17

"First of all I want to say to all Great Britons that your government is doing everything in its powers to overcome this terrible virus. It's an unprecedented situation, and has been unprecedented since we decided to do very little about it in March 2020....

Read more...

...

Our world beating test and trace system turned out to be less world beating than expected. So, with deep regret I have to announce new Tier 17 restrictions that will come into force from Wednesday next week. The delay is to enable you to party like mad until they come into force.

1 East Enders will be rationed to 30 minutes per week for every household as it's clearly causing the country to be more depressed than is really necessary. 

2 Clocks will go back by 48 hours at the end of every month because we dont want this to seem like it's lasting longer than it is. Actually I may have got that mixed up, I'll check it with Claudia Winkleman my Special Advisor.

3 Food parcels will continue to be delivered to your door weekly and we have reached a new deal with the EU that a few foreign fruits and vegetables might be available soon.

4 I know you've all been staying at home these last two years but I want to reassure you that there's nothing open even if you escape past the Security Guards posted outside your house.

So that covers it I think, there's lots more, but the new Home Secretary Dominic Cummings will provide full details shortly. I'd just like to finish by congratulating Aston Villa on winning the Premiership last year.

Tally ho, Boris"

-------------------------------------------

Satire at its worst, apologies for the gallows humour.... 

Steve