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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2022 12:41am
tebo53 wrote on Mon Sep 26, 2022 3:48pm:
I just can't understand this thread. If all of you are feeling so guilty then why are you going through with your move to Spain....
You can change your mind this minute and go back to the comfort zone with your family.
Read more...
Steve
One woman reached out - others have tried to help. No guilt here!
Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2022 7:42pm
laurahammie wrote on Tue Sep 27, 2022 12:41am:
One woman reached out - others have tried to help. No guilt here!
I’m already in Spain here for my health and the guilt is that I’m not in Ireland for my son even though he is happy and getting on with his life which is correct for him it’s me that has the guilt thank you for your rep
Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 2:13pm
At 24 years old, unless he has a disability, he should be more than old enough to care for himself. If not then possibly you have yourself to blame. I'd been married for 3 years when I was 24. You obviously have access to a computer and probably a Skype or Facebook account so just video call him once a week or so and then you can see him and put your mind at rest regarding his welfare. Like my kids who are now 43 and 41 eventually they left home and found their own way in life, it's the best way. Always be there to give advise if needed otherwise let them / him fly.... all the best to you and your son... stop worrying!!!
Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 2:41pm
Legendary helpful member
I think the worst thing one can do as an older generation is to try and organise your life around your children. He is not an infant, he is 24 with his own life. This is the way to make him feel obligated and pressurised. However close you may be, there is much of his life with which you are not au fait and which is his concern only. Accept you have moved, it is always difficult here in the early months, and take positive steps to build your own life without making him feel guilty about your emotions.
Sorry, I probably soundhard, but you are not really responsible for the life of a 24 year old man.
Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 4:36pm
Hi Catherina - my ambition is to move to Spain and i have just started to post on this forum - I have a daughter aged 26 who would remain in the uk - so i totally understand where you are coming from - even though i havent as yet relocated.
i need to gather information due to i don't know anyone in Spain as it is a daunting big step to do - as it must have been yourself.
How are you feeling now?
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 7:45pm
Catherina1998 wrote on Wed Sep 21, 2022 7:52pm:
Hi all have moved here in July and am feeling so so guilty for leaving my adult son of 24 behind in Ireland.I came here for my health and a better life but the guilt is horrendous with me has anyone else suffered this thank you
Hello, could you have brought your son with you there is lots of opportunities
To get work here in Spain hope you can sort something out but I’m sure he will
Be ok in Ireland xx
Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 7:50pm
Grannyrose wrote on Fri Sep 23, 2022 11:58pm:
I’m presuming that you are on your own. That being the case, you are bound to be feeling lost Don’t do anything rash. Going back home won’t help your health particularly during the cold, damp winter. Book a couple of flights and go over for a couple of visits. I guarantee you’ll ac...
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...tually miss the feel good factor that life in Spain offers. Don’t cut yourself off altogether. If I were you, I’d book flights and go over to see my son and all other family and friends. Could you invite your son over for Christmas and make fun plans for his visit? Our children are only on loan to us. They must be allowed their freedom to forge a life out for themselves. Please don’t make your son feel guilty. Allow him to believe that you are making a good life for yourself but you miss him and need to see him. There’s nothing wrong with loving your children, we’re all guilty of that. My son ( my baby) got married and has a little daughter now who he tells me he loves more than life. That’s how it works. His wife and daughter are now his life and we are his special father and mother who take second place in his life.
Don’t be sad. Have a good cry if that helps and find the strength to understand that you are at the helm of your life. Only you can forge out a life for yourself. Join some classes, meet other lonely people. Volunteer at a charity shop . Small steps! You can do it . Don’t allow your loneliness to ruin your new life. Remember, you must have wanted to make this change and well done for getting up and doing it. Buy a dog and go walking. So many people stop to talk to dog owners. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you to believe in yourself.
Remember, small steps. Keep us updated. Be good to yourself.Love Grannyrose x
What a lovely post and how true!! Big decisions always make you freak out! But it will go away! Enjoy the beauty Spain has to offer and take one day at a time! Like Grannyrose said; ‘Be good to yourself’ Anna
Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:55pm
Helpful member
Catherina1998
Please try not to feel guilty, as we have children and give then life. We can not and are not expected to place our own life's on hold forever. You had to do what is right for you. It is so cheap, quick and easy for your son to come to visit you and im sure he would then learn to understand, why the move has been so important for you.
As we get older we need to live one day at a time and treasure each moment. What area are you based. Ive a lovely home in Torrevieja
speak soon
Jane
Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 10:01pm
Helpful member
Catherina1998 wrote on Thu Sep 22, 2022 4:33pm:
Thank you for your response no my son is happy living his life it’s me I just can’t get this separation feeling gone I would only see my son a couple of times a month but I’m very unhappy here it’s not for me thank you again ❤️❤️
Have you gained a group of friends to enjoy meeting for a coffee and a chat, a day out, shopping trip, looking for new furnitureIs it because you are feeling lost and alone
There are many people happy to meet up. Im very new to all of this myself and doing it by myself
chin up jane.
Hi myself and my husband bought in 2004 with intention of moving permanently but I couldn't do it we have 5 all grown up children and lots of grandchildren and I just couldn't leave them then in 2015 I decided it was time our children were all for us moving said we would have more quality time with them when we see them so 2 months into the move my husband had a massive stroke and our lives change forever he is recovery was a long one and he is still partially disabled we were getting our lives back untill last year he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer T point I'm trying to make is I wish I had made the move earlier and we could have enjoyed our time now it's all about his health an hospital visits YOU don't feel guilty and don't be putting anything off life is too short and sometimes very unfair your son will have a great time coming for visits and you to him Live your life we never know he how long we have God Bless (Sorry for the long letter) Jean
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